Not much has been happening in my life.Well I got my report card not to long ago here are my grades.....
Language Arts:B+
Pre-Al:A-
Band:A
Scince:A
Social Studies:A
Gym:A
So its not to bad.Today I get to go to a dance.It's gonna be cool because they are going to have a screen to show feed of us dancing and music videos.It's going to be better than the last dance i went to last thursday.That dance was during school and for 8th graders only.Well i was so ready to have a good time but me and my friend Cady got into a fight so it wasn't all that great.today we bacame friends again.I got paid today!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah so now i have money to go to the dance.On Sunday I had a huge blog of jokes but it never downloaded but this website was sooo funny.You can pick the jokes by catagory {I think I spelled that wrong} or rating from G to R or MA. The website is www.funny.com They had lots of funny jokes it was awsome.
Well I don't know wut else to say so LUV U ALL ;}
Friday, October 28, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Jokes Again
I know i've been doing alot of jokes but i keep finding websites with cute ones so here are some more.
A kindergartener was sitting at his desk making funny faces at
anyone that would watch.
The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly,
"Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick
that way."
Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you
learned the hard way."
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with
his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively asked the
lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good
baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then
why did you eat him?"
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path
of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your
money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this! I'm a
United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what
you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God
is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister
See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dummy cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top
Betcha you can't resist passing it on.....This is Megan I did change dummy it wasn't that so if it sounds funny its cuz it swore.
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay
containing these four elements:
- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
A blonde lady and a man are in an elevator. The blonde obviously
just ending a hard day of work and says, "T.G.I.F."
The man sort of laughing and says, "S.H.I.T."
The lady frusrated says again, "T.G.I.F."
Again the man says, "S.H.I.T."
The lady turns to the man and says, "How dare you swear in the
presence of a lady! T.G.I.F.; thank god it's friday."
The man turns to her and says, "I wasn't swearing! S.H.I.T.; sorry
honey it's thursday."
What is dumber than the two brunettes who tried to build a house at the
bottom of the ocean?
The two blondes who tried to burn it down.
3 blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of
tracks and started arguing about what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, "I think they're deer tracks".
The secondblonde said, "I think they're dog tracks".
The third blonde said, "Well, I think they're cow tracks".
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
One day a blonde woman was so fed up with all of the dumb blonde
jokes that she decided to kill herself. She took a rope outside
and found a suitable tree. She threw the rope over a branch and
proceeded to hang herself.
Soon two men came along and asked, "what are you doing?". She
replied, "I'm hanging myself." The two men looked at her and
said, "well usually if your trying to kill yourself you put the
rope around your neck." Then the Blonde said, "Duh, I tried that
but I couldn't breathe."
One day a very fat blonde met a very skinny brunette downtown.
The blonde gave the brunette a long look full of contempt and
said, "Looking at you, I'd think this country is suffering from
starvation."
The brunette just smiled and replied, "Looking at you, I'd think
you're the reason."
Two blondes went shopping one day. They got done shopping and
went out to their brand new, cherry red convertible. They got to
the car and noticed that they had locked their keys in the car.
So they tried to think of a way to get the keys out. After
trying for an hour and a half, one blonde notices that there is
a rainstorm coming and says, "You better hurry up because it is
gonna rain and the top is down!"
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son.
It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the
Principal!"
One day a blonde decides to stand up for herself, and prove that
you can be blonde without being stupid. So she decides to learn
all the states' capitals. After she does that she goes up to a
man, and tells him to pick a state and she will name its
capital.
The man says, "Montana."
The blonde replies, "Capital M."
One day, two guys were on the green at a golf course and a funeral
procession went by. One guy completely stopped right in the middle of his
putt, took off his hat, and put it over his heart. The other guy looked at
him and said, "I never knew you had such respect for the dead."
The man watching the cars pass by said, "Well, it is the least I could do.
We were married for 35 years."
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head
out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and
said,"Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..."
Three girls are dead. A brunnette,a red head and a blonde. The brunette
goes up to God. God says, "say on true thing about yourself and you may go
to heaven."So the brunette says" I think....Oh!I have brown hair." up to
heaven she goes. Then the red head goes up to God. And she has to say
something true about herself also. "I think....Oh!I was born in
California." up to heaven she goes. Next is the blonde and she has to say
something true about herself too. So she says, "I think" down to hell
she goes.
Two blondes and a brunette were walking down the beach when a seagull
dumps a load on one of the blondes. The brunette says, "I'll go and get
some toilet paper." When she left, one blonde turns to the other blonde
and says "Boy, is she ever stupid. By the time she gets back, that seagull
will be miles away."
3 blondes are stranded on an island and they are trying to find a way off.
A magician comes along and says he will grant each of them one wish.
The first blond wishes that she was 1,000 times smarter so she gets that
and builds herself a plane and gets off the island. The second blonde
wishes to be 10,000 times smarter so when she is, she builds a boat and
sails off the island. The third one wishes to be a redhead so when she is,
she walks onto the bridge and onto the mainland.
A little boy had a father that was in a fight in a bar. The little boy ran
to get help. He saw a police and he asked the policeman to help quickly
because his father was in a fight. So the policeman went into the bar and
broke up the three men that were fighting. Once everything was calm the
police asked the little boy which one was his father. The little boy
replies, "I don't know. That is what they are fighting about."
A blonde calls the travel agent and asks, "How long does it take to fly to
Bali?" The operator had multiple lines to answer and says, "Just a
minute." And the blonde replies, "Wonderful! Thank you!" This is megan again..It took me a bit but now i get it.
10 Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
1. "The knee bones connected to the...jaw bone."
2. "You know, testicles are highly overrated."3. "Wait, we were supposed to REMOVE the implants?"
4. "Hey, the pizza boy's here."
5. "This guy used to beat me up in junior high! I'll show him."
6. "Crud, I dropped my contact in there."
7. "Nurse, what does this button do? It does, uh oh."
8. "Don't worry, it probably won't happen to this one too."
9. "Lets cut this, just for fun."
10. "You idiot, that's not anesthetic, that's medicinal
marjuana."
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly, obviously feeling down in the dumps.
The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Having troubles with your wife?"
The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me she wasn't going to speak
to me for a month."
The bartender said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but shouldn't that
make you happy?"
The man said, "Not if the month is up today!"
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and
asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk
to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of
nowhere."
There are three woman on a island and land is 300 yards away. A
brunette, a redhead and a blonde. The brunette swims 150 yards
and dies. The redhead swims 200 yards and dies. But the blonde
swims 250 yards and gets tired so she swims back.
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium
pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into:
six or twelve. "Six please," said the blonde, "I can't finish twelve."
This blonde goes to the doctor complaining of headaches.
Noticing she hasn't taken off her headphones at all during the
exam, he suggests they may be the cause of her headaches. He
tells her to take them off. "Oh, no. I just couldn't," she says,
"without them, I'd surely die." "Oh, come now," the doctor says,
"let me help you." And he pulls them off her head. Sure enough,
moments later, she is dead on the floor. Curious, he picks up
the headphones and hears, "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe
in...breathe out..."
Man: I hear that the workers are on strike for shorter hours.
Blonde: Good--I always thought that 60 minutes was too long for
an hour.
Woman: I see you are taking French lessons--why is that?
Blonde: I've adopted a French baby and I want to be able to
understand him as soon as he talk.
Very Proud Mother: My son has been walking ever since he was 7
months old!
Blonde: Wow, really?!
Mother: Yes!
Blonde: Well, he must be awfully tired!!
What do a lightly cooked steak and a smart blonde have in common?
They're both considered rare.
Thats only a few off the 200 pg and g rated jokes i read.I love that website. I didn't put all the jokes they had up there.If you want more or want to read r rated jokes the website if www.funny.com
Luv,Megan
A kindergartener was sitting at his desk making funny faces at
anyone that would watch.
The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly,
"Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick
that way."
Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you
learned the hard way."
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with
his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively asked the
lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good
baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then
why did you eat him?"
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path
of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your
money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this! I'm a
United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what
you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God
is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister
See if you can do this:
Read each line aloud
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dummy cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top
Betcha you can't resist passing it on.....This is Megan I did change dummy it wasn't that so if it sounds funny its cuz it swore.
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay
containing these four elements:
- religion
- royalty
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
A blonde lady and a man are in an elevator. The blonde obviously
just ending a hard day of work and says, "T.G.I.F."
The man sort of laughing and says, "S.H.I.T."
The lady frusrated says again, "T.G.I.F."
Again the man says, "S.H.I.T."
The lady turns to the man and says, "How dare you swear in the
presence of a lady! T.G.I.F.; thank god it's friday."
The man turns to her and says, "I wasn't swearing! S.H.I.T.; sorry
honey it's thursday."
What is dumber than the two brunettes who tried to build a house at the
bottom of the ocean?
The two blondes who tried to burn it down.
3 blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of
tracks and started arguing about what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, "I think they're deer tracks".
The secondblonde said, "I think they're dog tracks".
The third blonde said, "Well, I think they're cow tracks".
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
One day a blonde woman was so fed up with all of the dumb blonde
jokes that she decided to kill herself. She took a rope outside
and found a suitable tree. She threw the rope over a branch and
proceeded to hang herself.
Soon two men came along and asked, "what are you doing?". She
replied, "I'm hanging myself." The two men looked at her and
said, "well usually if your trying to kill yourself you put the
rope around your neck." Then the Blonde said, "Duh, I tried that
but I couldn't breathe."
One day a very fat blonde met a very skinny brunette downtown.
The blonde gave the brunette a long look full of contempt and
said, "Looking at you, I'd think this country is suffering from
starvation."
The brunette just smiled and replied, "Looking at you, I'd think
you're the reason."
Two blondes went shopping one day. They got done shopping and
went out to their brand new, cherry red convertible. They got to
the car and noticed that they had locked their keys in the car.
So they tried to think of a way to get the keys out. After
trying for an hour and a half, one blonde notices that there is
a rainstorm coming and says, "You better hurry up because it is
gonna rain and the top is down!"
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son.
It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the
Principal!"
One day a blonde decides to stand up for herself, and prove that
you can be blonde without being stupid. So she decides to learn
all the states' capitals. After she does that she goes up to a
man, and tells him to pick a state and she will name its
capital.
The man says, "Montana."
The blonde replies, "Capital M."
One day, two guys were on the green at a golf course and a funeral
procession went by. One guy completely stopped right in the middle of his
putt, took off his hat, and put it over his heart. The other guy looked at
him and said, "I never knew you had such respect for the dead."
The man watching the cars pass by said, "Well, it is the least I could do.
We were married for 35 years."
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head
out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and
said,"Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..."
Three girls are dead. A brunnette,a red head and a blonde. The brunette
goes up to God. God says, "say on true thing about yourself and you may go
to heaven."So the brunette says" I think....Oh!I have brown hair." up to
heaven she goes. Then the red head goes up to God. And she has to say
something true about herself also. "I think....Oh!I was born in
California." up to heaven she goes. Next is the blonde and she has to say
something true about herself too. So she says, "I think" down to hell
she goes.
Two blondes and a brunette were walking down the beach when a seagull
dumps a load on one of the blondes. The brunette says, "I'll go and get
some toilet paper." When she left, one blonde turns to the other blonde
and says "Boy, is she ever stupid. By the time she gets back, that seagull
will be miles away."
3 blondes are stranded on an island and they are trying to find a way off.
A magician comes along and says he will grant each of them one wish.
The first blond wishes that she was 1,000 times smarter so she gets that
and builds herself a plane and gets off the island. The second blonde
wishes to be 10,000 times smarter so when she is, she builds a boat and
sails off the island. The third one wishes to be a redhead so when she is,
she walks onto the bridge and onto the mainland.
A little boy had a father that was in a fight in a bar. The little boy ran
to get help. He saw a police and he asked the policeman to help quickly
because his father was in a fight. So the policeman went into the bar and
broke up the three men that were fighting. Once everything was calm the
police asked the little boy which one was his father. The little boy
replies, "I don't know. That is what they are fighting about."
A blonde calls the travel agent and asks, "How long does it take to fly to
Bali?" The operator had multiple lines to answer and says, "Just a
minute." And the blonde replies, "Wonderful! Thank you!" This is megan again..It took me a bit but now i get it.
10 Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
1. "The knee bones connected to the...jaw bone."
2. "You know, testicles are highly overrated."3. "Wait, we were supposed to REMOVE the implants?"
4. "Hey, the pizza boy's here."
5. "This guy used to beat me up in junior high! I'll show him."
6. "Crud, I dropped my contact in there."
7. "Nurse, what does this button do? It does, uh oh."
8. "Don't worry, it probably won't happen to this one too."
9. "Lets cut this, just for fun."
10. "You idiot, that's not anesthetic, that's medicinal
marjuana."
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly, obviously feeling down in the dumps.
The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Having troubles with your wife?"
The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me she wasn't going to speak
to me for a month."
The bartender said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but shouldn't that
make you happy?"
The man said, "Not if the month is up today!"
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and
asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk
to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of
nowhere."
There are three woman on a island and land is 300 yards away. A
brunette, a redhead and a blonde. The brunette swims 150 yards
and dies. The redhead swims 200 yards and dies. But the blonde
swims 250 yards and gets tired so she swims back.
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium
pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into:
six or twelve. "Six please," said the blonde, "I can't finish twelve."
This blonde goes to the doctor complaining of headaches.
Noticing she hasn't taken off her headphones at all during the
exam, he suggests they may be the cause of her headaches. He
tells her to take them off. "Oh, no. I just couldn't," she says,
"without them, I'd surely die." "Oh, come now," the doctor says,
"let me help you." And he pulls them off her head. Sure enough,
moments later, she is dead on the floor. Curious, he picks up
the headphones and hears, "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe
in...breathe out..."
Man: I hear that the workers are on strike for shorter hours.
Blonde: Good--I always thought that 60 minutes was too long for
an hour.
Woman: I see you are taking French lessons--why is that?
Blonde: I've adopted a French baby and I want to be able to
understand him as soon as he talk.
Very Proud Mother: My son has been walking ever since he was 7
months old!
Blonde: Wow, really?!
Mother: Yes!
Blonde: Well, he must be awfully tired!!
What do a lightly cooked steak and a smart blonde have in common?
They're both considered rare.
Thats only a few off the 200 pg and g rated jokes i read.I love that website. I didn't put all the jokes they had up there.If you want more or want to read r rated jokes the website if www.funny.com
Luv,Megan
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Jokes Part 2
Okay here are some jokes from my Cosmo Girl Magazine.These aren't as good as yesterday.But I want to find more joke websites and post more jokes.So here they are.
Ruff Love
Three male dogs walking down the street see a beautiful female poodle and start drooling.Aware of her effect on them, the poodle says, "whoever can ust the words liver and cheese together in the cleverest sentence can go out with me." The muscular black lab blurts out, "I love liver and cheese." "thats so childish," says the poodle. The tall shiny golden retriever says, "I hate liver and cheese." The poodle says, "that's as dumb as the lab's try" She turns to the third dog a Chihuahua, and says lte's see what you can do squirt. So he gives a sly smile and turns to the other dogs and says, "Liver alone Cheese mine"
Free{ze} as a bird
David got a parrot for his birthday. Unfortunately it had a bad attitude and screamed expletivetives all the time.Savid trid hard to change the bird's behavior by constantly sayin polite words but it didn't work.Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.He could here the bird squaking kicking and cursing. Then it got quiet.David worried he had hurt the bird so he opened thefreezer.The parrot calmly stepped onto Davieds arm and said I'm sorry.I will change.David was about to ask the bird why he was willing to change just like that but before he could the parrot said, "may I ask what the turkey did?"
Who would have guest?
A mom invited some people to dinner.At the table she turned to her 6 year old daughter and said, "would you like to give the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say." the daughter replied. "just say what you've heard mommy say" her mom told her. The girl bowed her and and said, "Dear lord why on earth did i invite all these people here?"
Grasshopper
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey we have a drink named after you" The grasshopper says "Really? you have a drink named Steve?"
Well thats all my magazine gave me i will try to find more Luv U megan
Ruff Love
Three male dogs walking down the street see a beautiful female poodle and start drooling.Aware of her effect on them, the poodle says, "whoever can ust the words liver and cheese together in the cleverest sentence can go out with me." The muscular black lab blurts out, "I love liver and cheese." "thats so childish," says the poodle. The tall shiny golden retriever says, "I hate liver and cheese." The poodle says, "that's as dumb as the lab's try" She turns to the third dog a Chihuahua, and says lte's see what you can do squirt. So he gives a sly smile and turns to the other dogs and says, "Liver alone Cheese mine"
Free{ze} as a bird
David got a parrot for his birthday. Unfortunately it had a bad attitude and screamed expletivetives all the time.Savid trid hard to change the bird's behavior by constantly sayin polite words but it didn't work.Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.He could here the bird squaking kicking and cursing. Then it got quiet.David worried he had hurt the bird so he opened thefreezer.The parrot calmly stepped onto Davieds arm and said I'm sorry.I will change.David was about to ask the bird why he was willing to change just like that but before he could the parrot said, "may I ask what the turkey did?"
Who would have guest?
A mom invited some people to dinner.At the table she turned to her 6 year old daughter and said, "would you like to give the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say." the daughter replied. "just say what you've heard mommy say" her mom told her. The girl bowed her and and said, "Dear lord why on earth did i invite all these people here?"
Grasshopper
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey we have a drink named after you" The grasshopper says "Really? you have a drink named Steve?"
Well thats all my magazine gave me i will try to find more Luv U megan
Monday, October 17, 2005
Jokes
Here are some jokes I got off the internet.Enjoy!! ;}
1.A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube for me."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to accompany me to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we'll take a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright, then I need you to come out here and walk along this white line."
"I'm sorry, officer, but I definitely cannot do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
2.A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have -
'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19.95 ...
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ...
'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...
'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ...
and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.
Simple..."Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."
3.A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!"
4.A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied... "Yes, you're right...
and they also WALKED every where they went!"
5.A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat?
6.IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He
said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
7.A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"
8.A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship withanyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence, and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Luv Megan
1.A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube for me."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to accompany me to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we'll take a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright, then I need you to come out here and walk along this white line."
"I'm sorry, officer, but I definitely cannot do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
2.A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have -
'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19.95 ...
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ...
'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...
'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ...
and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.
Simple..."Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."
3.A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!"
4.A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied... "Yes, you're right...
and they also WALKED every where they went!"
5.A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat?
6.IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He
said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
7.A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"
8.A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship withanyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence, and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Luv Megan
Sunday, October 09, 2005
My Room
I decorated my room for my Halloween party next friday. Here are some pics.
Hereare some old pics. You've probabbly(spelling ?) seen them on my mom's blog, but then again some of them you might not have seen.
Heather's Belly (she's grown since then)
There they are pics from christmas 2004 to Halloween right now.Thats it
Luv u all
♥ Megan
Hereare some old pics. You've probabbly(spelling ?) seen them on my mom's blog, but then again some of them you might not have seen.
Heather's Belly (she's grown since then)
There they are pics from christmas 2004 to Halloween right now.Thats it
Luv u all
♥ Megan
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Happy Early Halloween
Well before i get to the halloween stuff I'm gonna tell you about what happened in gym today.In gym we've been playing basketball.So far my team {the defeters} have won all the games.So today i'm ready to play so we can make it 4 for 4.So we start the game and everything is going great.Then the ball hits the rim.Luckily for me i was right by the basket so i get the ball and i go to rebound it when tons of other peoplecome after me.We all get tangled and i fall.they kept playing and i was sitting there.I couldn't move some girl steps on so now i'm in even more pain.Finnaly someone yells "someones down." So they go me some ice and i put it on my knee.It took about 45 mins but i can finnaly bend my knee again.But when it was time to go get dressed it took a while to get my pants on.OWWWWWWW!!!!
Anyways about halloween.I'm going to have a halloween party next friday.I know its early but my friend allie thinks she might have a halloween party on halloween {or the day before cuz we have school}.Well I went online and got some recipes but I only want to make two or three things.So I want your guys opion.
Choco Lanterns
INGREDIENTS:
1 ct Cool Whip
2 lg pkg Jello chocolate pudding
12 mini pumpkins
green food coloring
PREPARATION:
Prepare jello pudding according to package directions. Chill until firm. Cut the tops off the pumpkins and remove most of the interior with a sharp knife. Then scoop to even out the inside. Draw faces with perminate marker on pumkins, you may need another pkg of pudding if your pumpkins run big.
Scoop pudding into pumkins until full. Mix Cool Whip and green food coloring and top pumpkins with a spoonful. Keep cool until ready to serve.
Squashed Frogs
INGREDIENTS:
1 Stick margarine
40 Large marshmallows (10 oz. bag)
5 Cups corn flakes cereal
1/2 Teaspoon vanilla (optional)
2 Teaspoons green food coloring
M&Ms. Plain Chocolate Candy
PREPARATION:
Melt margarine in large saucepan. Add marshmallows and cook over low heat, stirring constantly until melted and mixture is syrupy. Remove from heat. Add vanilla and food color. Mix. Add corn flakes and M&Ms and mix until well coated and bright green.
Drop from a tablespoon on a peice of wax paper and cool the globs.
CHOCOLATE COATED MARSHMALLOW MONSTERS
INGREDIENTS
Marshmallows
Chocolate Melts (your color choice) Black decorating gel
Stick marshmallows into a 4" lollipop sticks, and place them in the freezer for about 15 minutes, until they are cold.
PREPARATION
While the marshmallows are chilling, heat one cup of chocolate melts, I used white this time, slowly on a simmering heat (Wilton's Candy Melts work great) in a double-boiler, stirring constantly until the chocolate is completely melted.
Remove the marshmallows from the freezer and dip them lightly in the melted chocolate for a thin coating. To get a Mummy look, swirl them a bit to look like layers of white wrapped around it. Ghosts should be dunked to make a little twisted peak on top. Frankenstein can be dunked and a spoon used to flatten the chocolate on top.
Use a block of Styrofoam to stick them in to cool. If you stick them in the fridge it shouldn't take long for them to set up.
After they harden, you can add faces. Using a small tube of black decorating gel, with a small tip, carefully paint on two ghostly eyes onto the marshmallow. Add a little mouth as well.
STORAGE & SERVING
Pick out the more mummy looking ones and turn them into the undead, like the picture below, last one on the right. You can stick these in sucker cellophane wraps to keep or just stick in your refrigerator but I don't that they'll be around for very long!!
TIP: Use green melts for Frankenstein, Orange for Jack-O-Lanterns, white for ghosts and mummies.
Kitty Litter Cake
1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large pkg vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared (I like Bird's® dessert mix)
1 large pkg vanilla sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls®
1 new kitty litter pan
1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 new pooper scooper
I'm definitly doing the kitty litter thing. The website had a picture of it and it looked so real.I have my best friend Cady in on it.So i'm going to dare everyone and there will be like a prize or something {excluding me and cady} but me and her will step up to the box and try it.Then when everyone is grossed out we will let them know the secret.Please let me know wich other 2 i should do.
Love ♥ Megan
Anyways about halloween.I'm going to have a halloween party next friday.I know its early but my friend allie thinks she might have a halloween party on halloween {or the day before cuz we have school}.Well I went online and got some recipes but I only want to make two or three things.So I want your guys opion.
Choco Lanterns
INGREDIENTS:
1 ct Cool Whip
2 lg pkg Jello chocolate pudding
12 mini pumpkins
green food coloring
PREPARATION:
Prepare jello pudding according to package directions. Chill until firm. Cut the tops off the pumpkins and remove most of the interior with a sharp knife. Then scoop to even out the inside. Draw faces with perminate marker on pumkins, you may need another pkg of pudding if your pumpkins run big.
Scoop pudding into pumkins until full. Mix Cool Whip and green food coloring and top pumpkins with a spoonful. Keep cool until ready to serve.
Squashed Frogs
INGREDIENTS:
1 Stick margarine
40 Large marshmallows (10 oz. bag)
5 Cups corn flakes cereal
1/2 Teaspoon vanilla (optional)
2 Teaspoons green food coloring
M&Ms. Plain Chocolate Candy
PREPARATION:
Melt margarine in large saucepan. Add marshmallows and cook over low heat, stirring constantly until melted and mixture is syrupy. Remove from heat. Add vanilla and food color. Mix. Add corn flakes and M&Ms and mix until well coated and bright green.
Drop from a tablespoon on a peice of wax paper and cool the globs.
CHOCOLATE COATED MARSHMALLOW MONSTERS
INGREDIENTS
Marshmallows
Chocolate Melts (your color choice) Black decorating gel
Stick marshmallows into a 4" lollipop sticks, and place them in the freezer for about 15 minutes, until they are cold.
PREPARATION
While the marshmallows are chilling, heat one cup of chocolate melts, I used white this time, slowly on a simmering heat (Wilton's Candy Melts work great) in a double-boiler, stirring constantly until the chocolate is completely melted.
Remove the marshmallows from the freezer and dip them lightly in the melted chocolate for a thin coating. To get a Mummy look, swirl them a bit to look like layers of white wrapped around it. Ghosts should be dunked to make a little twisted peak on top. Frankenstein can be dunked and a spoon used to flatten the chocolate on top.
Use a block of Styrofoam to stick them in to cool. If you stick them in the fridge it shouldn't take long for them to set up.
After they harden, you can add faces. Using a small tube of black decorating gel, with a small tip, carefully paint on two ghostly eyes onto the marshmallow. Add a little mouth as well.
STORAGE & SERVING
Pick out the more mummy looking ones and turn them into the undead, like the picture below, last one on the right. You can stick these in sucker cellophane wraps to keep or just stick in your refrigerator but I don't that they'll be around for very long!!
TIP: Use green melts for Frankenstein, Orange for Jack-O-Lanterns, white for ghosts and mummies.
Kitty Litter Cake
1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large pkg vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared (I like Bird's® dessert mix)
1 large pkg vanilla sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls®
1 new kitty litter pan
1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 new pooper scooper
I'm definitly doing the kitty litter thing. The website had a picture of it and it looked so real.I have my best friend Cady in on it.So i'm going to dare everyone and there will be like a prize or something {excluding me and cady} but me and her will step up to the box and try it.Then when everyone is grossed out we will let them know the secret.Please let me know wich other 2 i should do.
Love ♥ Megan
Sunday, October 02, 2005
CMU
Okay sorry it took so long but here is my trip.When we got to OHHS at 5:30 A.M. Mr. Hawkins wasn't there he left the kids incharge and decided he would drive down to CMU by himself.Then we have to pick up uniforms.They gave me a overall thing that was to big and a jacket that was to small.Then I had to get shoes.The size 9 shoe fit just right but they didn't have another 9 so they gave me a 13!!!!!!It was so hard to walk.then i have tons of stuff to carry to the bus.And there is only one bus.Now there is about 65 OHHS members and about 16 SMS members and 10 chapporones.ONE BUS!!!!That was not a fun ride.I slept all the way there cuz of Motion Sickness.And it was early.When we got there we all met up with mr. Hawkins.He didn't have enough snare drums for everybody so me and these two other people {one guy and one girl the guy was cute!!!} had to sit out of practice.Well after practice mr. hawkins says the has snare drums on the way.So then we go to lunch.We had Chinnese so i tell him i don't like chinnese and he says "don't worry they have Mongolian" yeah like thats any better.Then later some kid form our band {Trevor} comes in with Wendy's.Mr. Hawkins never told me that we could eat anywhere but apparently other people were told they could go all around town.So when my friends, Chealse,Allie,and Sahra were done we went to this halloween store we got kicked out by the OHHS people cuz we weren't 16 and you had to be 16 to go in the store.A few of those people weren't 16 either.So we went to Save Alot and i picked up some Resse Bites.After lunch we walked back to the stadium we watched the first half of the game{CMU was leading} and then when the first half ended we got to go play on the field.That went pretty well except the snare drum i had to carry was extremely HEAVEY.Then Mr. hawkins made us leave before the game was finished {the game was tied}.The bus driver put the game on the radio.I fell asleep.So i didn't get to her who one but my friends told me on Monday that EMU won so that sucks but i can't control the game.Well it was fun.it had its down points but everything does.
♥ Megan
♥ Megan
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